It’s human nature to want to be accepted by others. No one wants to experience rejection or feel left out. Furthermore, no one deserves any kind of abandonment, whether it happens in childhood or in an adult relationship.
In a perfect world, these feelings wouldn’t have reason to exist. Unfortunately, some people struggle with feelings of rejection and abandonment for good reason. If you do, you already know how crippling those feelings can be.
So, what can you do to cope with those feelings? How can you deal with the heaviness of rejection and abandonment without letting them completely take over your mindset?
Let’s cover a few effective strategies that can help.
Types of Rejection and Abandonment
Rejection can take many forms. Unfortunately, many of us deal with it from a young age. Things like getting bullied in school, being neglected by your parents, or even hearing that you’re not talented and you should give up on your dreams are all forms of rejection.
Needless to say, all of these situations hurt. They can seriously impact your quality of life, and change the way you see yourself. You might start to think you’re unworthy of love, or your self-esteem might struggle based on how others have treated you.
Rejection, abandonment, neglect, abuse, and traumatic experiences can create false belief systems and insecure attachment styles. You might be tempted to tap into your own defense systems, like putting up emotional walls and not letting people in which is a common trait of insecure-avoidant attachment style. Or you could show signs of insecure-anxious attachment such as becoming more vigilant about your connections with others, often seeking reassurance but struggling to both find it and receive it.
Don’t Ignore Your Pain
One of the worst things you can do when you’re feeling rejected or abandoned is to try to push those feelings down. Your emotions will continue to knock just below the surface until you acknowledge them. The more you try to subdue them, the stronger they’re likely to become.
Feelings of rejection or abandonment are painful. It’s okay to acknowledge that pain and prove to yourself that your feelings are valid. Doing so will make it easier to move on. Trying to hide your pain will cause it to linger.
Practice Self-Care
Rejection can make you feel like you don’t belong and you don’t matter. Self-care practices are great for reminding yourself that you’re worthy of mental and physical wellness.
Something as simple as making sure you’re getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, or socializing with the people who care about you can make a big difference in how you feel and how you see yourself.
Practices like mindfulness, meditation, and journaling can help you stay in the present rather than dwelling on abandonment that happened in the past. These practices are also great for processing your feelings in healthy ways so you aren’t tempted to push them down.
Find Safe People
If you believe you are insecurely attached it is important to find safe and trusted others who can help you grow. A safe person is someone who sees your value and is someone you can rely and depend on.
A safe person is not perfect. They are, however, present. They have their own struggles and issues. however a safe person is also being a person who is securely attached or who is in the process of growing into secure attachment.
Being in relationship with safe people is part of the process in becoming securely attached. Through what is known as earned secure attachment, you can grow from painful rejections, abandonments, and other painful life experiences. Here are some of the traits of safe person with a secure attachment style:
- Have a positive sense of self
- Comfortably share emotional bonds with others
- Feel content around others
- Experience few fears about rejection/abandonment from others or feelings of loneliness
- Show a healthy balance of intimacy and independence
In short, a safe person is not perfect. They are, however, present. A safe person is securely attached or are in the process of growing into secure attachment. Being in friendship with a safe person can help you to grow from rejection into earned secure attachment.
Don’t Give Up
As painful as it is, rejection is often just a part of life. It’s what you do afterward that will determine how your future goes. Some of the most successful people in the world have had to deal with rejection multiple times. But, they developed resiliency and were able to keep going, no matter how many times they got knocked down.
There are people out there who care about your well-being and your happiness. Lean on them for support and encouragement. It won’t make the abandonment you experienced less painful. But, it will remind you that your thoughts, feelings, and ideas are valid. It will remind you that you matter and you’re loved.
If you’re still having a hard time coping with feelings of rejection and abandonment, consider working with a mental health professional. Therapy, especially attachment focused therapy, can help you get to the root of your issue, so you can put helpful strategies in place to overcome those feelings and move forward to the next chapter of your life.
Phoenix, Scottsdale, and Online in Arizona Counseling and Therapy For Those Who Have Experienced Rejection and Abandonment in Phoenix, Scottsdale, and Online in Arizona
Virtually every human being will experience rejection and abandonment in their lifetime. Learning how to grow from these painful experiences into a secure attachment style is possible. Start your healing journey by working with an attachment therapist in Phoenix, Scottsdale, and online in Arizona.
To talk to a mental health professional about starting counseling or therapy please feel free to learn more about our practice by visiting our about page, FAQ, and blog, or read more about our staff members to start finding your best therapeutic fit! Call us at 623-680-3486, text 623-688-5115, or email info@crossroadsfcc.com for more information!
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- Contact Crossroads Counseling for a complimentary 20-minute phone consult
- Meet with an attachment-focused therapist
- Start your journey towards healing!