They call it anniversary grief. It’s not talked about enough and thus, tends to sneak up on you. You’ve suffered a painful loss. The grieving process turned out to be more complicated and unpredictable than you’ve been led to believe. But, eventually, you felt a sense of equilibrium and perceived yourself as moving forward. Then, along comes the anniversary.
Somehow, a year has passed since your loved one is gone and it feels fresh all over again. This is not meant to imply that you’re starting from scratch. You’re not. However, anniversary grief is a reality that must be taken seriously.
The Many Faces of Anniversary Grief
For the record, anniversary grief can strike at other times, e.g. birthdays, wedding anniversaries, Mother’s or Father’s Day, holidays, etc. Also, whether it is the anniversary of the death or another meaningful day, the resurgence of bereavement is not limited to those 24 hours.
Even if you don’t consciously think about the anniversary, you know. As the date nears, you may experience vague emotions that appear to have no obvious cause. Little by little, this expands into palpable symptoms like:
- Anxiety
- Depression
- General sadness
- Loneliness
- Low energy
- Sleep disturbances
- Irritability and angry outbursts
- Inability to focus
- Appetite changes (more or less)
As the years pass, you can be triggered like this again by specific dates or even by sensory reminders like scents or sounds. All of this can be handled more smoothly if you’ve taken the time to find effective coping mechanisms.
Tips for Coping on the Anniversary of a Loss: Prepare in Advance
There is no magic formula for easing grief. But a powerful step involves acknowledging it and taking early steps to honor the anniversary and the emotions. Start planning as soon as you can to engage in rituals that will address the profound blend of emotions you feel. These rituals could, for example, include:
- Honoring your faith or the faith of the loved one who died.
- Choosing to prepare and share a meal they loved
- If possible, visit the gravesite
- Make a list of their favorite music, movies, activities, and more — and indulge your senses
- Spend time with people who also knew and loved them
Of course, it is quite possible that your life circumstances can limit how much preparation you can handle. So, do not turn this into a pressurized situation. If you can, schedule a day off from work or school well in advance. Find ways to honor the day that match your current life needs but do not neglect your need to mourn.
Think About What Will Offer You Comfort
Your grief is yours to express. Others will have expectations of you but only you know what you need to feel comfort. If anniversary grief is creeping into your psyche, you have every right to find personal, specific ways to address it. Here are some examples to consider on the anniversary date:
- Indulge in something healing like a massage
- Let this be the day you commit to a new path, hobby, or interest
- Plan an adventure (however you define that concept) for the near future
- Go out of your way to be kind to everyone you meet — and then keep that going from now on
- Make a lifelong commitment to daily self-care
Through it all, envision how happy the person you lost is to see you taking care of yourself. They want you to thrive. What better way to honor their memory than to make the most of every single day?
But remember, if you need support, reach out to a trusted friend or family member — or connect with a mental health professional.
Begin Grief and Loss Counseling in Phoenix, Scottsdale, and Online in Arizona.
If you would like to learn how grief counseling can help you during the holiday season please reach out. Our team of therapists would be honored to support you in coping with triggers. We are happy to offer services from our Phoenix, AZ-based practice and across the state. You can start your therapy journey by following these simple steps:
- Contact Crossroads Counseling
- Meet with a grief therapist
- Start finding the happiness you deserve
Grief and Loss Therapy with Crossroads Counseling
Our offices are located throughout the valley with counseling centers located in Phoenix, Anthem, Scottsdale. and online/virtually in Arizona. Call us at 623-680-3486,text 623-688-5115, or email info@crossroadsfcc.com. We offer a complimentary 20-minute phone consultation to answer your questions and better understand how we can help you.
