“What’s broken can be mended. What hurts can be healed. And no matter how darkit gets the sun is going to rise again.” Healthyplace.com
Are You And Your Partner Struggling With Trust And Betrayal Issues Following An Affair?
Has an affair threatened or broken the foundation of your relationship? Are you and/or your partner struggling with feelings of mistrust, jealousy, anger, sadness or guilt? Maybe you suspect that your partner is cheating, but don’t know how to confront him or her about the possibility of an affair. Or maybe an affair has occurred and you wonder if your relationship is now beyond repair, even if the person who engaged in the affair is expressing remorse and guilt. Do you wish you knew that your relationship could be saved and you could once again connect with your partner on a meaningful and intimate level?
Affairs can cause significant damage to relationships. Whether you’ve been married for years or dating a short amount of time, infidelity can create feelings of betrayal, mistrust, fear and sadness. You might be questioning your future as a couple, afraid that your relationship is over.One or both of you may be experiencing feelings of fear and anxiety, which can make a difficult and confusing situation all the more painful.
Even if there has been no admission of infidelity, you may suspect that your partner is being unfaithful. Perhaps he or she is consistently late or has becomes defensive of his or her phone or Internet activity. You may want to confront your partner, but don’t know how to. Or, perhaps you have asked and your questions have been met with more defensiveness or even aggression. Whether you know or suspect that an affair is threatening the security of your relationship, you may be flooded with feelings of unease, confusion and even fear.
Infidelity Affects Millions Of Couples
If you and your partner are working on overcoming infidelity, you are not alone. Statistics reports that anywhere between 30 percent and 60 percent of couples experience infidelity at some point in their relationship. Everything from chronic arguments to a lack of romance and intimacy can lead to infidelity.
Affairs can be harmful to both people in the relationship. The person who was cheated on often feels a great sense of betrayal. Suddenly, established trust has been diminished. He or she wonders why the affair happened and may feel a loss of safety and security. He or she may also experience heightened anxiety, especially if children and finances are a factor.
The person who cheated also finds him or herself in a difficult situation. On the positive side, he or she may feel a sense of relief when the affair is discovered. However, many people who cheat feel extreme guilt and shame over their behavior and hurting their partner. And, the aspect of lying can be particularly painful, especially if the unfaithful party is reluctant to break off the other relationship.
If you and your partner are dealing with an affair, one or both of you may feel highly uncertain about the vitality and health of your relationship. You both may wonder whether the relationship can or should continue. The good news is that there is hope and help. An experienced and compassionate therapist can help you and your partner explore the conditions that led to the affair, work through challenging feelings and collectively discover a new path forward.
Affair Recovery Counseling Can Help You Reconnect
While the aftereffects of an affair can be painful, confusing and create feelings of uncertainty and a loss of emotional safety, it is possible to work through the pain of infidelity and come out stronger on the other side. In safe, confidential sessions, your Crossroads Counseling Center therapist will provide a secure and nonjudgmental space for you and your partner to explore all facets of your relationship. In early sessions, we will discuss the nature of your relationship; where, when and why the affair originated; and provide both of you the safe space to openly discuss your feelings. Affairs are often a symptom of a larger issue occurring within the relationship, which we will work toward identifying in early sessions.
It is important to discuss how each of you currently views the relationship. You both may wonder where you stand with the other, which we can explore. As we address past and current issues, we’ll also begin looking toward your future as a couple and what you may want to or not want to create together moving forward. Many of our therapists use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) when working with couples. EFT is an effective approach that focuses on the emotional side of conflict to solve it efficiently, honestly and compassionately. Using the EFT approach, many couples are able to work through difficult issues, mend emotional disconnections and shift negative patterns of engagement into more positive ways of being and connecting with each other. Because of the focus on emotions and connections, EFT is an effective and useful way to work through the challenges that stem from affairs.
We also encourage you to come in if you are suspicious of infidelity in your relationship. Although it may be difficult for you to persuade your significant other to join if there has been no confirmed infidelity, we encourage you to schedule a session, even if you’ll be the only person present. Working through suspicious thought and feelings early on can help you understand the deeper problems within your relationship and how to approach your significant other about his or her behavior.
Regardless of what is causing distress in your relationship, we can help. At Crossroads Counseling Center, we value collaboration in all our infidelity counseling work. If both you and your partner are willing to fully engage in the therapy process and put in the work needed, if is possible to recover from an affair. This is a difficult time, but with guidance, support and an effective approach to healing, you and your partner can engage with each other compassionately and even come out stronger and more connected on the other side.
Although you may understand the benefits of infidelity counseling, you still may have questions or concerns…
My spouse/partner doesn’t want to join me for sessions.
In all honesty, infidelity counseling is only truly effective when both partners are present and willing to engage in the therapy process. However, we understand that following an affair, it can be difficult for partners to cooperate. That said, if your partner refuses to join you yet you want to work through your feelings and gain insight around the affair, we can help. And, often when one person begins engaging in therapy and makes noticeable changes, the other partner opens up to the idea of counseling.
I’m not sure if our relationship can recover from this.
There’s no doubt that an affair can be damaging to a relationship. However, an affair doesn’t necessarily mean that the relationship is beyond repair. Many couples have faced issues such as infidelity before, worked through their challenges and developed an even stronger relationship as a result. Overcoming infidelity is not easy, but the rewards of engaging in affair recovery counseling can be great. Furthermore, if you and your partner decide that you do not want to continue the relationship, your therapist can help you end it amicably, which can be helpful especially if you have children and/or shared finances.
Is affair recovery counseling expensive?
It can be helpful to consider counseling as an important investment in your relationship. Infidelity counseling can help you and your partner overcome the pain of the affair and build an even stronger, more connected relationship. If you want to repair your relationship, therapy can help and is well worth both the time and financial investment. Furthermore, the cost of counseling can be much less than that of a divorce, which is difficult financially as well as emotionally for everyone involved.