On the surface, being a people-pleaser might not seem like a bad thing. After all, what’s wrong with doing things for others or wanting people to like or appreciate you?
Unfortunately, those who consider themselves people-pleasers tend to go far beyond simple gestures and favors. People-pleasing can lead to self-neglect, extreme stress, resentment of certain people, and even personal relationship problems.
You might be a people-pleaser because of how you were raised. Or, you might have developed the habit later in life as a way to boost your self-esteem or get people to “like” you. Whatever the case, when you’re constantly putting the needs and wants of others above your own, it can quickly deteriorate your quality of living.
Thankfully, there are things you can do to break the habit of people-pleasing and put yourself first. Let’s cover a few strategies you can start to use.
Recognize the Problem
The first step you need to take if you want to stop people-pleasing is to recognize that you’re doing it. If you’ve been putting others first for a long time, it can be hard to readily admit it’s a problem.
But, when you look at the way people-pleasing is affecting your life, it should be easy to see that you’re not caring for yourself the way you should be. Choose to be self-compassionate and kind as you acknowledge this issue and make a commitment to move forward.
Set Boundaries
One of the easiest ways to break the people-pleasing habit is to set up boundaries in your life. Boundaries can sometimes be viewed as a negative thing, but everyone needs them. You don’t have to be harsh or cruel when you share your boundaries with others. You simply have to be clear.
Determine what you’re willing to do, and what you’re not willing to do. Don’t be afraid to tell people “no” when they request things that are outside of your boundaries. As a people-pleaser, that can be difficult, but it will get easier over time. When you’re clear and direct with your boundaries, people will know what they can expect from you.
Set Goals
Setting goals for yourself will make it easier to say yes to the things that align with your values, and no to the things that make those goals harder to reach.
What do you really want? Has putting others first kept you from reaching your goals in a timely manner? When you focus on those goals, you’ll be less likely to let the needs of others that drain you take over your daily activities.
Ask for Help
As a people-pleaser, you might not be used to being the one asking for help or assistance. But, everyone needs it. That doesn’t mean you should take advantage of others or ask someone to tackle things you can do yourself.
But, if you need a hand when it comes to reaching your goals, ask for it. Lean on your support system and let the people who care about you help you. Chances are, they will be happy to do it, especially if they’re used to you putting your needs on the back burner.
Practice Self-Care
Self-care is important for everyone. But making it a part of your daily routine can make it easier to build your self-esteem, see your worth, and put yourself first. Simple things like meditation, mindfulness, and journaling are all excellent forms of self-care that can give your well-being a boost.
If you’re still struggling with people-pleasing, talking to someone can also make a difference. Therapy can make it easier to understand where your people-pleasing tendencies come from. Once you get to the root cause, you can work on even more effective strategies to start putting your needs first. Feel free to contact me to set up an appointment, and it won’t take long before you’re working on the goals and dreams that matter to you.
Begin Working With A Therapist in Phoenix, Scottsdale, and Online in Arizona
Our team of caring therapists offers a 20-minute complimentary phone call. You can ask all the questions you have and see if counseling at our Phoenix, Anthem, Scottsdale.and online in Arizona is the right fit for you. To start your therapy journey, please follow these simple steps:
- Contact Crossroads Counseling for a complimentary 20-minute phone consult
- Meet with a caring therapist
- Start the process of learning how to set boundaries in your life
Feel free to call contact us at by calling 623-680-3486, texting 623-688-5115, or emailing info@crossroadsfcc.com.
