Christian relationships and Christian marriages are subject to the same stressors and problems that plague all relationships. Even though God is your life, relationship, or marriage it doesn’t mean everything will be perfect. At the end of the day, you’re two flawed human beings, and God knows that.
So, it’s normal to miss the mark and to make mistakes. What matters most is learning from your mistakes and growing as a couple.
If that’s not occurring, though, it can lead to disconnection and disillusionment. More importantly, it’s necessary to take the appropriate steps to re-center your bond.
So, what are some of the problems Christian couples have?
Communication Issues
Healthy communication is essential for a strong Christian relationship. While misunderstandings and a lack of effective communication don’t necessarily mean things are bad, there are certain communicative issues that do lead to increased challenges.
For example, if either of you is afraid or simply do not know how to express your needs, wants, or desires, it can lead to feelings of fear and uncertainty. If you feel like you can’t open up to your spouse or partner because you’re afraid or do not know how it is worth exploring your history, personality, and attachment style. This can help you identify potential root causes contributing to your struggle.
Vulnerability is important in a relationship — especially one centered on Christ. If you feel like you can’t truly be “one flesh” with your spouse or partner, look for the deeper root issues that are keeping you from opening up.
Poor Conflict Resolution
Couples that struggle to communicate with one another often have poor conflict resolution. When you cannot resolve conflict effectively it is frustrating and runs the risk of growing into resentment. It can also increase the likelihood of entrenched negative patterns in your relationship.
These negative patterns lead to what Emotionally Focused Couples Therapists refer to as the Demon Dialogue. Without the ability to resolve conflict effectively it leads to more toxic behaviors such as criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt. You might recognize these as Gottman’s Four Horsemen.
Poor conflict resolution in a Christian marriage can occur for many different reasons. It could be that neither spouse or partner grew up with a healthy model to learn from. It could also be stemming from deeper issues such as a lack of safety and trust. Let’s take a look at these two areas.
A Lack of Safety and Security
Communication issues and poor conflict resolution is only one area that can suggest you don’t feel safe or comfortable in your relationship. If you do not feel emotionally safe and secure in your marriage or relationship you are not going to openly and vulnerably communicate.
Do you find that you are you worried about how your spouse or partner might react? Do they criticize or dismiss you when you are being honest or vulnerable?
In a healthy Christian marriage there is safety and security. One of the characteristics of a safe and secure relationship is being able to trust and open up to your spouse or partner without fear. Or, if there is fear it means you can share and receive reassurance.
A Lack of Trust
When trust in a Christian marriage has been broken or fractured it hurts. Violations in a Christian marriage will often test the faith of each person as well as relationship’s resolve. Trust can be restored if both parties are committed to one another and to the marriage/relationship.
Rebuilding trust has many different steps and phases: accountability, responsibility, transparency, honesty with self and other(s), etc., and being willing to forgive are just some of what is required for healing. This can be very difficult for a couple to navigate on their own. Seeking professional counseling from a Christian marriage therapist is often needed when a couple is working to rebuild trust.
Loss of Intimacy
Loss of intimacy with your spouse or partner is among one of the most painful human experiences. It is also one of the telltale signs of a marriage/relationship in deep trouble. It often occurs when the problems identified in this blog have gone unaddressed.
You and your spouse were created to be fully known, fully loved, and to fully know and fully love God and each other. Communication problems, a lack of safety, a lack of trust, and an inability to resolve conflict effectively ultimately lead to a loss of intimacy.
Working with a Christian marriage therapist can help rebuild safety, security, and trust so that intimacy can flourish.
What’s Next?
All of these signs of a Christian marriage or relationship in trouble can be difficult to read and stomach. But, they’re even more difficult to go through. If you can relate to any of them, consider your next steps. Setting healthy boundaries and re-centering your relationship on God is crucial. But, don’t feel like you have to do it alone.
Consider reaching out to a Christian marriage therapist to help to heal your relationship.
Christian Marriage Counseling in Phoenix, Scottsdale, or Arizona Online
Marital issues can be highly complex and are often rooted in our deepest emotional attachment needs. Whether you have identified specific issues to address or feel unsure why you feel disconnected from your spouse or partner, meeting with a Christian couples counselor can greatly benefit your marriage.
By creating a space for you and your spouse to safely address your concerns, your counselor can assist you in finding resolutions and healing to help your marriage flourish. Our offices are conveniently located throughout the Valley of the Sun including Phoenix, Anthem, Scottsdale and online in all of Arizona. would be honored to support you in better understanding your relationship. You can start your therapy journey by following these simple steps:
- Contact Crossroads Counseling
- Meet with a Christian marraige therapist near you
- Begin addressing your relationship struggles
Call us at 623-680-3486, text 623-688-5115, or email info@crossroadsfcc.com. You can ask all the questions you have and see if marriage counseling for Christian couples at Crossroads is the right fit for you and your spouse. You can also learn more about Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT) as well.
This blog was written by Christian Marriage Therapist Travis Frye.
The Connected Marriage is a Christian marriage intensive designed to help couples who have attempted traditional marriage therapy with little to no progress. An intensive could be what your marriage or relationship needs. Click on the link above to learn more.
