Dating isn’t always as easy as people make it out to be. While finding someone to date might be easier than ever, thanks to technology, it’s everything that comes after that which can feel overwhelming, or even scary.
Sound familiar?
If you struggle with dating anxiety, you’re not alone. But, it’s important to understand where that anxiety stems from. Getting to the root cause of your dating anxiety is the best way to start working through it, so you can eventually manage your symptoms and move forward.
So, if you’ve been interested in dating but worry has held you back, let’s dig a little deeper into some of the potential causes of dating anxiety, and what you can do to manage it.
Self-Esteem Issues
You might have difficulty dating others because you don’t think highly of yourself. When you look in the mirror, how do you see yourself? If you struggle with insecurities, it becomes very easy for anxious thoughts to creep in. They can amplify small problems, or even make you see or believe something about yourself that simply isn’t true.
Over time, you might start to believe that you’re not good enough to date. Or, you might assume that your date will see the worst in you, because that’s what you see in yourself.
Past Trauma
One of the biggest causes of dating anxiety is having a negative or traumatic past dating experience.
The idea of jumping into the dating pool can be scary for anyone. But if you were previously in a relationship that caused you emotional or physical harm, it can be even more overwhelming. These experiences can cause you to become fearful and hypervigilant. They can make it nearly impossible to enjoy the dating experience, because everything is cloaked in fear.
Attachment Styles
Attachment styles are typically formed in childhood. Ideally, everyone would develop a secure attachment style from an early age. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. If your needs weren’t met as a child or you experienced any kind of abuse or neglect, you might have an insecure attachment style.
Attachment styles can change the way you see dating and relationships. You might feel overly independent so you “push away” the people you date. Or, you might have a strong need for someone’s security and reassurance, so you become dependent on your date. If you’ve had negative dating experiences with these styles, it can make you anxious about putting yourself back out there.
What Can You Do?
No matter the cause of your dating anxiety, there are things you can do to calm your nerves and make the most of the experience.
First, get to the root. If any of these causes sound familiar, talk to a therapist about what you experienced and how you can move forward. Getting to the underlying cause is the best way to start a healthy healing journey.
Next, establish your core values. You’ll feel more confident when it comes to dating if you know what matters most to you. You will be less likely to be swayed by someone else’s opinion, and knowing what really matters can help to boost your self-esteem.
If you’re still feeling stressed about dating, try to incorporate relaxation techniques into your day. That might include deep breathing exercises you can do at any time. Things like mindfulness, meditation, or even journaling can also help you manage anxiety and feel more comfortable in the dating world.
Begin Working With a Therapist in Phoenix, Scottsdale, And Online in Arizona
Dating doesn’t have to be overwhelming or scary, no matter what you’ve been through. Feel free to contact a therapist in Phoenix, Scottsdale, and online in Arizona.to set up an appointment. Together, we’ll dive deeper into why you might be experiencing dating anxiety, and come up with effective management techniques to help.
Call us at 623-680-3486, text 623-688-5115, or email info@crossroadsfcc.com for more information!
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- Contact Crossroads Counseling for a complimentary 20-minute phone consult
- Meet with an attachment therapist
- Start your journey towards healing!
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