Relationship Questions Answered: “Should We Get Back Together After Breaking Up?”

A relationship can result in partners juggling more questions than answers. It is an evolving process—subject to countless, sometimes unpredictable factors. The questions can continue being asked even after a relationship ends.

After all, who among us has not pondered: Should we get back together?

Since break-ups happen for myriad reasons—many of which are impulsive—it only makes sense that some couples would second guess their decision to separate.

Why Do Couples Break Up?

An infinite number of possible reasons exist relating to why couples break up. Quite often, however, a lot of those answers are variations of universal themes, such as:

Taking Each Other For Granted

There is such a thing as the “honeymoon phase.” After that, it is not unusual for distance and detachment to creep into the mix.

Unhealthy Communication

Healthy communication is the foundation of healthy relationships. Without it, even small issues can feel like insurmountable problems.

Imbalanced Power Dynamics

A relationship thrives in the presence of balance. If one partner dominates (even subconsciously), it begins to threaten your bond. This threat includes social dynamics like race, gender, class, age, etc.

Betrayal of Trust

From infidelity to abusive behavior, trust can be shattered in several ugly ways. These are the most evident and justifiable reasons for a break-up. Typically, they are the hardest to bounce back from.

Why Might Some Couples Get Back Together?

Somewhere between one-third and one-half of all cohabitating couples get back together after breaking up. Some reasons may include:

  • You’ve already invested a lot of time and emotion into the relationship
  • Family/children-related duties
  • Optimism that your partner will change
  • Fear of the unknown

In one study of reuniting couples, some 66 percent said they got back together because they missed both the intimacy and having someone to depend on. In other words, the reasons we get together, break-up, and reunite feel simultaneously diverse and universal.

Should You and Your Ex Get Back Together?

Only you know this answer, and it helps to have guidance. Even so, there are some helpful questions (yes, more questions!) to consider if you are pondering a reconciliation.

Why Did You Break-Up in the First Place?

This question refers to underlying, root reasons. More than that last, ugly argument, there are deep causes of every separation. Do the work to reveal such causes.

Are You Both on the Same Page About Reuniting?

It’s not unusual for one partner to pine for a reunion, but it takes two to reconcile.

What Are the Reasons You Want to Get Back Together?

Are they good reasons? Are they the right reasons? Again, this may be a job for couples counseling. In the middle of yo-yoing emotions, “good” and “right” might stop being and feeling so apparent.

Are You Both Committed to Doing the Hard Work?

Relationships, by definition, are challenging. Reuniting after a break-up can be even harder. It is non-negotiable that BOTH of you are fully committed to rolling up your sleeves and getting busy.

Can Couples Counseling Help?

With affairs of the heart, there is no textbook to consult. We may rely on past experiences, but frequently, we have to trust our instincts as to what feels best for us.

The tricky part lies in the fact that the emotions we experience related to our most important connections can be overwhelming.  We may need help from a therapist who can assist in making sense of what our feelings mean.  This challenge is why so many couples have trusted the process of therapy.

Couples counseling sessions offer a safe way to hash out all these questions—in the presence of an unbiased mediator. Whether or not you opt to get back together, you can both rest easier knowing you did your best to honor the question.

Couples Counseling for One

Perhaps you want to process through your thoughts, feelings, wants, needs, and desires without your spouse/partner present.  If this is the case that is completely understandable.  Couples Counseling for One is exactly what you need.  You can meet individually with a relationship therapist who can help you process through the complex emotions thus helping you to have better direction.

Discernment Counseling for Couples

There are some situations where there is one spouse/partner that is leaning towards being together while the other is leaning against being together.  This is known as a mixed agenda couple.  An ambivalent couple could be where both parties are unsure if they want to stay in the relationship.  If you and your spouse find yourself in this situation starting couples therapy may not be the best option.  There is a couples intervention known as Discernment Counseling.  This is a short term, 1-5 sessions, focused on bringing clarity, understanding, and direction so that couples can choose a path forward that is best for them and their relationship.

Begin Working With A Couples Therapist or Discernment Counselor in Phoenix, Scottsdale, and online in Arizona

Our team of expert therapists understand that the decision to start couples therapy, couples therapy for one, or Discernment Counseling can be challenging. This is why we are happy to offer a complimentary 20-minute phone consultation. Our locations for counseling are located throughout the valley with counseling centers located in Phoenix, AnthemScottsdale and online anywhere in Arizona.  You can start your therapy journey with Crossroads Counseling by following these simple steps:

  1. Contact Crossroads Counseling for a complimentary 20-minute phone consult
  2. Meet with an expert therapist
  3. Start coping with your anxiety symptoms

Feel free to learn more about our practice by visiting our about pageFAQ, and blog, or read more about our staff members to start finding your best therapeutic fit! or, call us at 623-680-3486, text 623-688-5115, or email for more information!