Relationship Questions Answered: “Should We Get Back Together After Breaking Up?”

A relationship can result in partners juggling more questions than answers. It is an evolving process—subject to countless, sometimes unpredictable factors. The questions can continue being asked even after a relationship ends.

After all, who among us has not pondered: Should we get back together?

Since break-ups happen for myriad reasons—many of which are impulsive—it only makes sense that some couples would second guess their decision to separate.

Why Do Couples Break Up?

An infinite number of possible reasons exist relating to why couples break up. Quite often, however, a lot of those answers are variations of universal themes, such as:

Taking Each Other For Granted

There is such a thing as the “honeymoon phase.” After that, it is not unusual for distance and detachment to creep into the mix.

Unhealthy Communication

Healthy communication is the foundation of healthy relationships. Without it, even small issues can feel like insurmountable problems.

Imbalanced Power Dynamics

A relationship thrives in the presence of balance. If one partner dominates (even subconsciously), it begins to threaten your bond. This threat includes social dynamics like race, gender, class, age, etc.

Betrayal of Trust

From infidelity to abusive behavior, trust can be shattered in several ugly ways. These are the most evident and justifiable reasons for a break-up. Typically, they are the hardest to bounce back from.

Why Might Some Couples Get Back Together?

Somewhere between one-third and one-half of all cohabitating couples get back together after breaking up. Some reasons may include:

  • You’ve already invested a lot of time and emotion into the relationship
  • Family/children-related duties
  • Optimism that your partner will change
  • Fear of the unknown

In one study of reuniting couples, some 66 percent said they got back together because they missed both the intimacy and having someone to depend on. In other words, the reasons we get together, break-up, and reunite feel simultaneously diverse and universal.

Should You and Your Ex Get Back Together?

Only you know this answer, and it helps to have guidance. Even so, there are some helpful questions (yes, more questions!) to consider if you are pondering a reconciliation.

Why Did You Break-Up in the First Place?

This question refers to underlying, root reasons. More than that last, ugly argument, there are deep causes of every separation. Do the work to reveal such causes.

Are You Both on the Same Page About Reuniting?

It’s not unusual for one partner to pine for a reunion, but it takes two to reconcile.

What Are the Reasons You Want to Get Back Together?

Are they good reasons? Are they the right reasons? Again, this may be a job for couples counseling. In the middle of yo-yoing emotions, “good” and “right” might stop being and feeling so apparent.

Are You Both Committed to Doing the Hard Work?

Relationships, by definition, are challenging. Reuniting after a break-up can be even harder. It is non-negotiable that BOTH of you are fully committed to rolling up your sleeves and getting busy.

Can Couples Counseling Help?

With affairs of the heart, there is no textbook to consult. We may rely on past experiences, but frequently, we have to trust our instincts as to what feels best for us.

The tricky part lies in the fact that the emotions we experience related to our most important connections can be overwhelming.  We may need help from a therapist who can assist in making sense of what our feelings mean.  This challenge is why so many couples have trusted the process of therapy.

Couples counseling sessions offer a safe way to hash out all these questions—in the presence of an unbiased mediator. Whether or not you opt to get back together, you can both rest easier knowing you did your best to honor the question.

We understand that the decision to seek couples counseling can feel overwhelming, which is why we offer a complementary 20-minute phone consultation. This gives you the opportunity to understand how we can help you and your partner specifically, in your unique situation. When you are ready to take steps toward strengthening your relationship, feel free to call contact us at Crossroad’s Counseling by calling us at 623-680-3486, texting 623-688-5115, or emailing and ask to speak with one of our counselors for couples.

We have offices throughout the Valley of the Sun including Phoenix, Anthem, Biltmore, Paradise Valley, and Scottsdale.