Unfortunately, trauma is a sad reality of life. The majority of the population, about 70%, will experience at least one traumatic event in their lifetime. For some, this trauma is complex, meaning it is a reoccurring or repetitive experience.
To make matters worse, trauma doesn’t end with the act itself. Those with post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, have flashbacks and nightmares of the event, feeling as if they are reliving the trauma again and again. This causes the body and mind to remain in a heightened state of alertness, triggering the fight-or-flight response even when no danger is present.
While many have a cursory understanding of the fight-or-flight response, few are familiar with the additional trauma responses of freeze or fawn. Freeze, as the name suggests, is when a person is paralyzed in the face of fear. Fawn, the response we’ll examine today, is a state of emotional appeasement to avoid conflict or perceived danger.
What Does Fawning Look Like?
People-Pleasing
People-pleasing behaviors stem from wanting to avoid conflict or offending others. You aim for approval and acceptance in your relationship. By doing “all the right things,” you paint yourself in the best light possible and position yourself to be liked. This is better than putting yourself back into the negative space complex trauma pulls you into.
Hidden Emotions
When you default to the fawn response, the result often suppresses your emotions rather than chancing any emotional conflict. In some instances, you may modify your emotions to make yourself less vulnerable. Aligning may seem easier than opposing.
Loss of Identity
Spending your efforts trying to make everyone else happy and hiding your own emotions can lead to some disconnection from yourself. Depending on your circumstances, you may begin to lose sight of who you are.
Establishing Healthy Boundaries
Improve Your Emotional Connection
The first step in finding healing and establishing or enforcing boundaries is to start feeling your feelings. You can’t avoid what has happened to you and expect good outcomes in the long term. Allow your grief, pain, and needs space without worrying about who you might upset. If they support you, they will understand. If they become upset, it is worth rethinking the relationship.
You may also need to work on your own awareness of your specific emotions. Identify any triggering people, places, or things, and bring yourself into gentle awareness of what you felt.
Practice Saying “No”
There’s such a stigma around saying “no.” Unfortunately, constantly saying “yes” can cause you to be overwhelmed, carry heavier burdens than you need, and have a reduced quality of life.
Permit yourself to say “no” when feeling overwhelmed or overloaded. It’s an act of self-preservation. There is nothing wrong with protecting your own well-being.
Practice Self-Care
After dealing with complex trauma and C-PTSD, how you take care of yourself can change. It’s not uncommon to develop bad habits or bypass things you used to do that served you.
Create a healthy routine and stay the course. Self-care can be empowering. It recharges your mind, body, and spirit, which you likely need to find healing. Through the process, you should be able to rebuild some of what was lost or taken from you…that resilience and strength. These will be necessary for helping maintain good boundaries.
Seek Professional Treatment
Your loved ones and support system will be paramount for the healing process. Oftentimes, particularly where complex trauma and C-PTSD are concerned, you may need a bit more guidance.
Trauma can take a lot from you and convince you of false realities. You’re not alone in this. Contact our office to schedule a consultation.
Our team of trauma therapists would be happy to help you identify and overcome emotional, relational, mental, and spiritual trauma in your life. We have offices in Phoenix, Scottsdale, and in all of Arizona through online counseling for trauma. To start a trauma therapy intensive, please follow these simple steps:
- Contact Crossroads Counseling
- Meet with a trauma therapist
- Start overcoming trauma!
To learn more about our trauma therapy click here.
Call us for trauma therapy at 623-680-3486,text 623-688-5115, or email info@crossroadsfcc.com.
