Scottsdale Couples Therapy
As a couple’s therapist who has worked in Scottsdale for the past four years I have had the opportunity to work with many wonderful couples. Each couple’s story is, of course, unique. They come from different religious backgrounds, different races, ages, and even different socioeconomic backgrounds. Some of these couples are married and looking for marriage counseling. Others are engaged and want to create a strong foundation through premarital counseling. Others are dating or in committed long term relationships. I have even worked with individuals providing them with couple’s therapy for one. This type of relationship counseling is when your partner will not attend couple’s therapy, for those who want to learn how to become a better spouse/partner, or for those who are at a crossroads (no pun intended) in their relationship and want guidance on how to proceed.
Communication Challenges=Common Ground
Regardless of the couple or the situation what I have learned is that nearly all of the couples that come to our Scottsdale Relationship Center have a few things in common. One commonality I hear from virtually every couple when I ask why they are seeking a couple’s therapist is that they have a communication problem. The couple goes on to report that no matter how hard they try to talk through an issue with one another it ends up with both of them feeling frustrated. I hear, “We don’t know how to fight fair,” or comments such as, “We can never come to a resolution.” Communication problems are indeed the common ground between all the couples I have worked with.
It is not as though the individuals who are seeking couple’s therapy do not know how to communicate. In fact, most of the couple’s I work with are smart, intelligent, and highly educated individuals who are excellent communicators. They can talk to a colleague, friend, or any other person and do not experience the same communication challenges as they do with their spouse/partner. So why is it they have such huge difficulties communicating with their spouse/partner? I believe the answer is that the kind of communication needed in a love relationship is different. It is what I call, “Emotional Communication,” or EC for short.
What is Emotional Communication? For starters I will tell you what it is not. It is not a business transaction. It is not talking about numbers or profit and loss statements. It is not casual talk between friends. Discussing the weather or sports does not count. It certainly is not small talk. It does not involve bargaining or negotiating with your spouse or partner. Talking about your day at work in very surface level terms also does not count as EC. There is nothing wrong with all the examples I shared; it is simply that they do not qualify as EC.
Now, let’s look at what qualifies as Emotional Communication. EC is the kind of talk you have only with close, connected, and trusted people. EC is when people reciprocally share their vulnerability. It is talking about your deepest emotions, thoughts, dreams, fears, hurts, and needs with one another. Transparency and vulnerability are at the heart of EC.
It is a fact that marriage and couple’s relationships NEED deeper intimacy in order to survive. The problem is that many of us, while excellent communicators, are not good at sharing our vulnerable selves. We do not know how to open up and how to be transparent. When one or both partners do not know how to emotionally communicate what occurs is that connection problems take root! This leads to a vicious pattern where the lack of EC exacerbates the feelings of disconnection which, in turn, exacerbates the communication problem.
Couples Therapy Can Help!
If you and your spouse/partner are struggling to emotionally communicate then a good couple’s therapist who understands how to empower couples to share their vulnerability can help. Our Scottsdale couple’s therapists will teach you how to recognize the deeper emotions and emotional needs that are hidden in the communication challenges. We will help your relationship by showing you and your spouse/partner how you can create safety so that you can reach out with vulnerability which is the key to Emotional Communication.
If you are looking for a Scottsdale couple’s therapist call our Scottsdale Relationship Center at 623-680-3486 or email us at firstname.lastname@example.org. We looking forward to helping you create a great relationship by showing you how to emotionally communicate with your spouse/partner.
To visit our Scottsdale couple’s therapy page click here.