…happiness comes from doing great things—rather than getting great things.
– Charles Fay
Love and Logic Parenting
Are You Struggling To Connect And Communicate With Your Children?
Are you struggling to effectively communicate with your child? Do most of your conversations end up in verbal arguments? Do you lose your temper easily and feel guilty for yelling later? Have these communication challenges left you feeling like a bad parent? Maybe it feels like your child is withdrawing from you and is unwilling to share the details of their lives. Perhaps you wonder if your child feels misunderstood or not heard at all. Do you feel like you have tried everything to connect with your child, but nothing seems to work? Do you wish you could communicate openly and lovingly with your child without the fear of starting another argument?
Many Parents Struggle To Communicate Effectively With Their Children
Parenting isn’t easy. There is no one “right” way of parenting because there is no one way of raising a child. And, many – if not most – parents feel overwhelmed by the ups and downs that come with parenting. It’s common for parents to want to help their children cope with stresses in healthy ways and make good choices. However, many parents don’t know how to talk to their children about touchy subjects without creating conflict. It’s often theses communication difficulties that get in the way of having effective conversations. In order for these and other conversations to flow smoothly, it is imperative that both you and your child feel as if you can communicate with each other and be actually heard.
Your home life will produce situations of conflict where resolve has to be worked through and found. That is natural. Thankfully, with the love and logic approach in place, you can begin making different choices about how to handle challenging conversations and conflict. With the right approach and therapist, yelling arguments can turn into logical problem-solving conversations built on mutual respect.
Improving The Parent-Child Dynamic With The Love And Logic Parenting Style
It is natural and inevitable that you will come across many challenges, frustrations and conflicts during the course of your parent-child relationship. Conflicts between parents and children are often fueled by reactions to real or perceived anger. The human brain is wired to self-protect, so when it senses that anger is directed toward the self, the instinctual response is to fight back or withdraw completely. These natural responses can get in the way of you communicating in a loving and effective way with your child.
Although it is impossible to completely avoid conflict or frustration, how you choose to react in these situations is within your power. The love and logic approach provides guidelines that can help you use empathy to engage in joint problem solving with your child.
The love and logic parenting style is based around these guidelines:
- The adult sets firm limits without any displays of anger, lectures or threats.
- When the child does make an issue or create a problem, the adult “gives” it back to him or her in a loving way.
Drawing from the love and logic approach, your Crossroads therapist can help you set limits calmly, and then present the issue to your child in a way that allows you to work together to find a solution. In these sessions, you can learn how to neutralize arguments by expressing genuine understanding around problems that arise with your child. Once you slow down and demonstrate to your child that you truly hear him or her, you can apply a logical, thought-out solution together.
Involving your child in the problem solving dialogue provides him or her with the opportunity to think about what they are capable of doing to change the situation to something more positive. This approach helps your child to feel supported, loved and more confident in his or her ability to make decisions. This empowerment not only helps to effectively mitigate conflict, but it also allows your child to develop healthy problem-solving skills that can be applied in all aspects of his or her life now and in the future.
“Giving” the problem back to your child simply means that you help them figure out a way to solve their own problem proactively. For instance, if your child forgets his or her homework at school, rather than immediately showing anger and disappointment, we suggest turning the problem back around to them. Giving the problem back to the child is done with a display of empathy first, followed by a logical question. You can support your child in the issue by first acknowledging the difficulty of the situation and then asking thoughtful questions like “How are you going to handle this?”
At Crossroads, we have helped many parents, caregivers and teachers make healthy, core shifts in their parent-child relationships. Clients who have implemented and internalized the two-step love and logic approach have experienced immense communication successes in their parent-child relationships and fostered increased feeling of love. By gently, lovingly and logically supporting your child through challenges, you, too, can learn how to help your child effectively problem solve, build confidence in his or her ability to control circumstances in his or her own young life, and build feelings of trust in your adult-child relationship.
With openness, some patience and the right therapist, the love and logic approach can benefit both you and your child. It is possible to use these tools to build a life-long, healthy and happy relationship.
But, You Still May Have Questions Or Concerns…
I want to improve my relationship with my child, but I’m not sure I can. I feel like I have already tried everything.
Parenting can be overwhelming and leave you feeling too drained to establish and maintain new parenting strategies. However, a parenting expert can provide you with relief and support, as well as a different perspective and approach. At Crossroads, we can help you work through specific needs and challenges so you can construct a new way of moving forward in your relationship with your child.
The love and logic approach sounds like a good idea in theory, but I’m concerned that it could take a long time to learn and still not be effective for my family.
Although creating change can be difficult and come with resistance and uncertainty, experience shows us that implementing the love and logic approach can shift the way that your household currently operates. While there may be an adjustment period – as there is with anything new – with consistent practice, these strategies work and can provide both you and your children with structure, an increased closeness and relief. The love and logic approach has also been proven to help to facilitate long-term, healthy relationships. Choosing to adopt this approach is a valuable investment in the relationship you share with you child and can yield both immediate and long-lasting results.
Therapy costs too much money.
Therapy is an investment in yourself and those around you. If you were sick for a long period of time, wouldn’t you seek medical attention for help? The same notion can be used to understand the value of therapy. If you have an issue that you cannot seem to reconcile on your own, consulting a professional is a responsible way of moving forward.
You and your child deserve a loving and connected relationship. Let us help you. We invite you to call us for a free 20 minute consultation to discuss your specific needs and answer any questions you have about the love and logic approach, family therapy and our practice.
Love and Logic Event Dates
Please check back in fall 2020 for workshop dates. Groups are on hold due to COVID and will be reassessed in August.