It is wise to direct you anger towards problems – not people; to focus your energies on answers – not excuses.
William Arthur Ward
Is Your Anger Controlling You?
Do you lose your temper easily? Do you get angry quickly and then immediately regret things that you said in the heat of the moment? Have seemingly insignificant instances caused you to “snap?” Are angry words and actions affecting your relationships with coworkers, romantic partners and friends? Maybe you have acknowledged that you have a difficult time controlling your anger and have tried to change the way you react, but have struggled to make sustainable changes. Or, perhaps you are feeling lost, guilty and a little helpless. Are you feeling deeply ashamed, remorseful and guilty for having hurt the people you love. Do you want to have the ability to communicate calmly and rationally? Do you want to just feel in control again?
Anger Is An Emotion That Everyone Experiences
Everyone feels angry occasionally. It’s a natural reaction to frustration, grief, pain and other difficult emotions. However, sometimes anger can take the place of rational thought. When anger replaces rationality, it negatively affects us, as well as the people around us.
Learning to control anger is easier when you understand where it is coming from. Anger often surfaces when another difficult emotion is present that you feel unable to express. Many times deep feelings of hurt or not being valued, cared for, understood or even loved feel too scary or forbidden to express. You may not feel entitled or worthy of voicing these hurtful feelings and find yourself either consciously or unconsciously defaulting to anger.
Thankfully, anger can be managed. With some patience, increased feelings of self-worth and the right therapist, you can get to the root of angry outbursts and discover what is really eliciting your fiery response.
Anger Management Therapy Can Help You Identify, Understand And Control Your Anger
Anger is a surface-level emotion that works as your defense, and is generally a response to deeper, more vulnerable or confusing feelings. Anger may surface when you feel particularly hurt, sad, fearful, rejected, or misunderstood. Because these emotions can make you feel very vulnerable, they are oftentimes difficult to express. You may even feel as if it is not as acceptable to express these deeply upsetting feelings. However, when this expression is unmet, you may find yourself defaulting back to anger.
The first step to managing anger is to learn how to identify and then constructively express your softer and more delicate and vulnerable feelings. Slowing down and taking time to really understand the root of what you’re feeling can prevent anger from surfacing. When you’re more aware of what you’re really feeling, there is less need for your angry defenses to arise.
Dealing with difficult and possibly painful emotions can be challenging work. Thankfully, you do not have to try to identify, understand and address these feelings on your own. Your Crossroads therapist can guide you through finding the origins of your angry responses. You can learn how to trace back to the root of your anger in a thought-out, logical way. You can identify triggers and explore why certain people, situations or issues make you so upset. Once you understand the origin of your anger, you can learn how to take steps to address both your angry responses and the underlying trippers.
You deserve to be heard and understood. In therapy, you can learn how to express your emotions in ways that are not hurtful or assertive. It is normal to feel hurt and for that to be upsetting. However, once you are able to express hurts in a more constructive ways, you will be less likely to turn toward aggressiveness and anger.
With some openness to change, it is possible to learn to express the important, more pertinent emotions at play. Working proactively with the right therapist can help you understand how to express these feelings and work toward beneficial problem-solving.
But, You May Still Have Questions Or Concerns…
I don’t need anger management counseling. I can manage this on my own.
Have you attempted to resolve your anger issues on your own, but haven’t been able to experience long-term results? If so, the resources you’re drawing from may not be sufficiently addressing the underlying problems. If anger continues to be problematic and is negatively affecting your life, you may need to tap into some different resources. Your Crossroads therapist can provide you with a safe, non-judgmental and supportive environment to address difficult emotions and learn new problem-solving tools.
I feel ashamed that I have problems controlling my anger.
Anger is a normal human emotion. We all experience anger from time to time. And, while is can be easy to let emotion take over reason, you don’t have to let anger continue to control your life. You can learn how to manage your feelings more constructively. With the right approach and therapist, you can learn to take control of your anger instead of allowing your anger to control you.
Therapy for anger management is too expensive and will take too long.
Therapy is an investment in yourself and your happiness. Choosing to seek therapy for anger management is a decision to take control of your life and make a long-term, sustainable change. Any real change takes persistence and patience. At Crossroads, we can help to facilitate real change and support you as you invest in yourself, better relationships and increased happiness.