Children are like sponges—they absorb almost everything in their path. Parents and caregivers are children’s primary source for shaping their emotional, psychological, and physical well-being. When parents’ mental health is causing them distress, this unintentionally leaves a lasting impact on children. These challenges can follow them through adulthood, causing significant issues to develop further. How does this happen?
Emotional Regulation: Children Learn What They See
Children are naturally observant, and they tend to mimic what they see. If a parent struggles with anxiety, depression, or other mental health challenges, and has a difficult time managing their emotions, children will learn that people can be unpredictable or overwhelming, causing them anxiety. When children do not learn to regulate emotions, they may:
- Be unable to trust others
- Struggle with regulating their own emotions
- Feel that the world or that other people are unsafe
- Experience poor school performance
- Have difficulty with social interactions
Attachment Styles and Relationships
A parent’s mental health can shape how children form attachments with others, which in turn affects their future relationships. According to what is known as “Attachment Theory,” children develop a sense of security (or insecurity) based on their interactions with their primary caregivers. Parents who are frequently unavailable, or are emotionally distant towards their children, affect their kids by:
- Causing them to feel unsure about seeking comfort
- Giving rise to avoidant or anxious feelings in future relationships
- Difficulties forming connections with peers
Intergenerational Trauma and Stress
It is likely that mental health issues are closely linked through families. It is possible that these issues stem from trauma, including abuse, neglect, and significant loss, which can result in passing these stressors down from one generation to the next. If parents have not processed their own experiences, they may unintentionally project their feelings onto their children. For example, parents who grew up in an abusive household may:
- Become overly protective or distant
- Display the same unhealthy interactions they were shown as kids
- Develop a heightened stress response which may be passed down to children
- Become anxious or fearful in unfamiliar situations, causing distress in kids
Parenting Styles
Mental health can also impact parents’ approach towards discipline, affection, and communication. When a parent is struggling with their own mental issues, they become inconsistent with their parenting. For example, parents may fluctuate between being very flexible and permissive, to being overly strict and controlling. Inconsistencies cause confusion in children, making it difficult for them to:
- Understand boundaries
- Develop confidence or a sense of self
- Listen to others or follow rules
- Seek support or communicate
- Learn social skills
Academic and Social Development
Parents’ mental health can affect academic and social development. If a parent has chronic anxiety, a child may absorb some of this anxiety, making it difficult to focus on schoolwork or participate in social activities.
Children who grow up in households where mental health is prevalent often take on more of a caregiving role, meaning that they step in to help take care of household chores or other siblings. This parental role can lead to children feeling overwhelmed, taking on responsibilities that are beyond their years. They may miss key aspects of childhood, such as play or exploration of their environments.
The burden of taking on their parents’ mental health issues can impact academic performance, including poor grades, low participation, and difficulty focusing. It can also impair their ability to make friends and form healthy connections, as they may not have the social knowledge to engage in interactions for their age group.
How to Help
If you notice your mental health issues are impacting your children, fear not! There are ways to help, and one of the best ways to do so is to seek help from a mental health professional. Therapists will work with you and your child to overcome any mental health issue, and how to move forward with happy, healthy relationships. Schedule a session today!
Our family therapists are happy to offer mental health support across the state. We have offices throughout the Valley of the Sun including Phoenix, Anthem, Online, and Scottsdale. To start your therapy journey with Crossroads Counseling, please follow these simple steps:
- Contact Crossroads Counseling
- Meet with a family and parenting therapist
- Start becoming a better parent and partner!
Next Steps
Parenting is challenging! We could all use a little help? Call us at 623-680-3486,text 623-688-5115, or email info@crossroadsfcc.com. You can ask all the questions you have and see how we can help you with parenting. Our offices are conveniently located throughout the Valley of the Sun including Phoenix, Anthem, and Scottsdale. We would be honored to support you in better understanding your relationship. You can start your therapy journey by following these simple steps:
