Be A Better Man!

Men's Counseling

Be A Better Man!

man-164962_1280It’s time to be a better man and to step up your game!  Now is the time to take action by improving who you are so that you can be better in all facets of you life.  This includes both your personal and professional life.  Being a better man requires A-C-T-I-O-N.  Keep reading to find out what I mean.


How real are you?  Do you show your true self to others or do you wear a mask?  The reason I ask is because being authentic with your self and others is one of the first steps to becoming a better man.  It is being honest with who you are:  your strengths and weaknesses and your good and bad parts .  Change will not happen as long as you continue to deny who you really are and hide from others.  However, growth happens when you authentically explore who you are and share yourself with others.  In other words, you will become a better man when admit your weaknesses and allow others the chance to love and help you. Being accepted and guided by others, even in your imperfections, is an important aspect of growth.


Every man faces fear!  This is not the issue.  It is how you deal with your fear that really matters.  Do you run and hide?  Or do you explosively confront your fear?  Does fear paralyze you and keep you from reaching your full potential?  The late great Nelson Mandela had this to say:


“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

I couldn’t agree more.  Being a better man means facing the fears in your life so that they lose their power. Courage also means recognizing that no man can do it alone.  Surrounding yourself with trusted others is key to facing fear.  The truth is that we are all stronger when we not someone has our back.  Having the courage to reach out, ask for help, and to show your authentic self is how you will grow into being a better man.


Many of you reading this often find it difficult to express your emotions.  You find it difficult to show empathy and care.  I get it.  You probably did not receive a lot of care in your own life.  You probably grew up with messages such as, “Suck it up,” or “Don’t cry.”  Your role models were guys like Rambo.  The truth is men experience a wide range of emotions.  Men do not only feel anger but also fear, sadness, and loneliness.  And no matter how strong and independent you may be you know deep down inside that you need others.  You need comfort, care, and love.  It is NOT a weakness to need.  Nor is it a weakness to ask others to help meet your needs.  It actually takes a lot of authenticity and courage to reach out with your vulnerability.

Tenderness also involves being there for those who need your comfort and care.  It is knowing how the lovingly and gently join with others who are in pain.  Yes, I agree it is difficult to give something that you may have not received a lot of growing up.  But this is where it is all about being a man, stepping it up, and getting what you need.  It is your responsibility to take charge of your life and get help.   You can stay stuck in excuses or actually do something about it.  The ball is in your court.  What choice will you make?


Do you have the initiative to be a better man?  Are you finally fed up with living a mediocre life and not reaching your full potential?  It’s about initiative which means finding the fire within to create the change you want.  Effective leaders have a dream and take the initiative to do whatever it takes to make the dream into a reality.  Stephen R. Covey had this to say on the topic of initiative:


“I am personally convinced that one person can be a change catalyst, a ‘transformer’ in any situation, any organization. Such an individual is yeast that can leaven an entire loaf. It requires vision, initiative, patience, respect, persistence, courage, and faith to be a transforming leader.” 

I believe that the “transforming leader” can be all aspects of life such as career, home, church, and community.  Do you want to be this kind of leader?  I do.  Remember that no one can do it alone.  Effective leadership involves all the components we have discussed so far and a couple of others yet to come.


Are you open to others?  Can you take constructive criticism and feedback?  Being open consists of many of the traits we have already discussed such as authenticity and courage.  It also means admitting that you can not know it all nor can you do it all.  You need to adapt to a lifestyle of learning and growing.  Recognize when you need support and find someone who can help.  This could be in business.  For example, maybe you have a problem relating to your employee.  For some reason he or she just rubs you the wrong way. Being open involves processing your thoughts and feelings with someone you can trust.  The reality is you have blind spots that others can help you to see.  Maybe this person reminds you of your crazy Uncle Eddy who always got under your skin.  Identifying the issue by being open will help you to make modify the way you interact.

Being open to feedback can also be in your personal life.  Talking to a coach, counselor, or trust friend about your relationship with your mother, son, or wife is a great way to help you work through the complexities of your thoughts, feelings, needs, and wants.

Never Say Die” Attitude

Finally, adapting a “Never Say Die” attitude is imperative to success.  No matter if it is in personal relationships, business, or some other aspect of life. Never give up the process of becoming a better man. The responsibility to grow is on your shoulders.  No one else can do it for you!  There are certainly others who can help and support but there are some things you can only do for yourself.  This includes taking charge of your growth by reading a book on a subject matter you do not know anything about.  You could attend a lecture or watch a documentary.  Connect to others in authentic, open relationship.  Explore you inner-world as much as your outer-world.  What I mean is take the time to take personal inventory of who you are, where you have been, where you are now, and where you going in life.


Men: Take A-C-T-I-O-N!  Do it for you.  Do it for those who matter.  Do it because life is better when we are work to live with purpose, meaning, and when we share it all with a few close others.  Surround yourself with other men of like mind who are on the same journey.  We need brothers who will join us in the trenches and with whom we can join.  If you are ready to be a better man then consider Crossroads Counseling’s process groups and individual counseling/coaching services.  To learn more about the men’s process group click here.  To learn more about individual counseling click here.

Blessings to you as you journey towards being a better man!