7 Signs You Need Relationship Counseling
It’s a fact that all marriage and couple’s relationships go through normal ups and downs. The question is what are the signs that problems in a romantic relationship warrant an intervention such as relationship counseling? The purpose of this blog is to identify the top 7 signs that your romantic relationship may be in dire straits. I define romantic relationships as married couples, engaged couples, dating couples and those committed in long term relationships. I have listed the 7 signs in descending order from least critical to most critical.
You stop laughing and enjoying one another. It has been said that laughter is medicine for the soul; well, it is also medicine for the soul of a romantic relationship. You have to keep having fun and enjoyment with one another. It is vital to keep your relationship healthy. Simply put, when you stop having fun and enjoying one another’s presence it can be an early warning signal that the relationship is in trouble.
Minor annoyances turn into major grievances. Couples who are securely connected can overlook minor grievances without them becoming threats to the relationship. It is when there is a lack of security and safety in the relationship that the dirty dish left in the sink translates into, “You don’t care!” or “This relationship is over!”. If you notice that you are on edge and small things that did not used to set you off end up in an argument or disconnection then it can be yet another warning signal that relationship counseling is needed.
Tender touch and intimacy wanes. Do you notice that you no longer hold hands, cuddle, kiss, hug and share intimacy as often as you used to? This could be a symptom of a deeper emotional disconnect in the relationship. In fact, one of the first signs of a relational disconnect is that tender touch and sex dissipate. There is a larger issue here that I’ll briefly touch on and that is how women often need emotional connection first before physical intimacy and how men tend to need seek physical intimacy in order to feel emotionally connected. This sets couples up in a vicious cycle that causes further disconnection.
Arguments become more frequent and intense. If you notice that you are fighting more often and that things are getting worse then your relationship is at risk. Frequency and intensity are the two tell tale signs that there is a relational disconnect. Gone is the feeling of trust and closeness. Gone is the belief that your spouse/partner is your go to person. It is replaced by feelings of fear and hurt and a belief that your spouse/partner does not care. This is definitely a time to seek an experienced relationship therapist for relationship counseling.
Unforgiveness and mistrust take root. It is inevitable that you will hurt the one you love. We are all imperfect and this means hurts will happen. Sometimes they are intentional. As the saying goes, “Hurt people, hurt people.”. Sometimes they are unintentional. Regardless, if couples do not have a way of repairing the hurts they will experience a loss of trust, safety and security. You will feel angry and bitter or fearful and unsafe. If there are major hurts in your relationship that have not been healed then finding a trusted relationship therapist who can help you find healing is imperative.
No arguments at all. You would think this would be a good thing, right? The problem here is that not only is there no arguing; there is also little to nothing at all. Think of it as the cold, icy tundra. No life! No warmth! Not much of anything! This is a HUGE warning signal in any couple’s relationship. It usually means that one or both people in the relationship have shut down and detached. If you are in a relationship where you are experiencing this type of relational disconnect; and if you are still invested in the relationship, seek immediate relationship counseling help.
You no longer share your vulnerability with your spouse/partner. Your spouse/partner needs to be the #1 person with whom you can be the most vulnerable. We all need a safe and secure attachment to someone else. When you no longer share the intimate part (fears, hopes, dreams, etc.) of who are you it is only a matter of time before the relationship is at risk. Relationship counseling can help you to either recapture or create a strong emotional connection.
If you are experiencing any of these 7 signs then please consider taking action immediately. Unfortunately, many couples wait too long before they seek help. It is not that it too late in these situations but it usually means more damage is done. Crossroads Phoenix and Scottsdale Relationship Centers can help by providing you with an expert relationship counselor who is trained in helping couples overcome the challenges listed above.
To learn more about our couples counseling and marriage counseling click here. Or call our Phoenix and Scottsdale Relationship Centers today at 623-680-3486.