Recover Intimacy in Your Relationship

Want to Repair Your Relationship and Recover Your Intimacy-Take These 7 Steps

It takes a hefty amount of work to keep the special spark alive in your relationship. Over the years, the closeness you once felt with your partner could quickly dwindle.

With family duties, household chores, and career demands, it’s understandable that you no longer gaze lovingly into each other’s eyes for hours on end.  Life happens, and you have to adapt.

But your relationship doesn’t have to suffer because life happens.  It’s possible to maintain intimacy for the long haul.

If you feel distant from your partner, and you’re ready to repair your relationship, here are some steps to help get you there.

1. How to Repair Your Intimacy

Intimacy within a relationship is a treasured closeness that couples feel, nurture, and protect.  It’s far more than sex, although sex is a form of intimacy.  Mainly, it’s a special connection between partners.  When it’s missing, the relationship suffers.

2. Determine What “Intimacy” Means to Your Relationship

As mentioned, the term “intimacy” tends to draw up sexual ideas.  For some couples, sex is the ultimate expression of intimacy.  Others include many other elements into the concept of intimacy.

You need to determine what intimacy means to both of you.  How do you feel close to one another?  What creates distance, doubt, or conflict?

3. Increase Emotional Intimacy First

Once you’ve settled on your definition of intimacy, make an effort to connect on an emotional level as opposed to jumping right to the physical aspects.

Talk more.  Joke with each other.  Ask your partner about the best and worst part of their day.  Become curious and genuinely show interest in your partner’s thoughts and feelings.

4. Amp Up Physical Touch

Along with connecting emotionally, add more physical touch to your relationship. Again, this doesn’t mean jump right into ecstasy.  Instead, reach out to give your partner a gentle graze on the arm or back.

Also, challenge each other to hug and kiss longer.  The more you touch, the more connected you’ll feel to one another.  Plus, physical touch releases feel-good chemicals in your body like oxytocin that foster a deeper bond.

5. Change Up the “Pursuer” Role

Does either of you typically initiate sex while the other acts as the one being pursued?

If so, even out the playing field by switching roles.  If you don’t usually initiate sex, try it.

No matter how long you’ve been together, you both need to feel desired.  This approach will help to decrease the gap between you and open up a new (and exciting) dimension of intimacy.

6. Keep Things Separate

It’s natural to squeeze necessary conversations into any available space that you have.

For example, maybe you’ve already committed to date nights, and yet, the conversation is anything but intimate.  It often revolves around children, jobs, and other responsibilities.

Make a point to keep topics separate on a date night.  For example, keep the issues off the table for a while. Focus on each other instead of your to-do lists.

7. Take Your Time Exploring Curiosities

Despite having possibly spent years with your partner, it’s crucial not to lose that unique sense of curiosity toward them.

After all, people change and develop new ideas about life all the time.  It takes an entire lifetime to get to know someone because people’s inner-workings are continually influx.

Stay curious about your partner’s thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.  Check-in with them concerning their ideas about the relationship.

8. Commit to Vulnerability

Lastly, to foster a deeper connection with your partner, it’s critical that you commit to openness and vulnerability.  Sure, it feels safer to stay behind your emotional walls.  But opening up can do wonders for a relationship.

Try to open up a little more with each of these steps, and you’ll soon notice that intimacy is no longer a distance fantasy.

If you’re ready to recover the intimacy in your relationship or marriage, please contact a Crossroad’s couples therapist today.  We understand that the decision to seek relationship therapy, couple’s counseling, or marriage counseling can be intimidating, which is why we offer a complementary 20-minute phone consultation.  This gives you the opportunity to understand how we can help you and your partner specifically, in your unique situation.  When you are ready to take steps toward strengthening your relationship, feel free to call contact us at Crossroad’s Counseling by calling us at 623-680-3486, texting 623-688-5115, or emailing and ask to speak with one of our counselors for couples.  We offer a 20 minute complementary phone call.  You can ask all the questions you have and see if couples counseling at Crossroads is the right fit for you.

We have offices throughout the Valley of the Sun including Phoenix, Anthem, Biltmore, Paradise Valley, and Scottsdale.