Christian Marriage Therapy services at Crossroads Phoenix and Scottsdale Relationship Centers can help you create a Godly marriage. I Peter 4:8 reads, “Above all, love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins.” This verse can be applied to all relationships, especially marriage relationships. All of us need to know we are loved especially when we do not deserve it. Loving your spouse deeply even when he or she has hurt you, let you down, or failed mimics the love Christ has for us.
Barriers to Loving Deeply
Christian Marriage Therapy at Crossroads helps you in your marriage to identify and overcome the barriers to loving your spouse deeply. There are many barriers to loving your spouse deeply. Selfishness is one of those barriers. Selfishness is where you put your own needs, wants, and desires, above those of your spouse. The truth is all of us are born selfish. We are born believing the world revolves around us. We falsely believe we are the center. We have to learn how to put others before ourselves. This is being selfless. Love, in my opinion, is all about putting another person before yourself. A big part of loving someone is being selfless. Is this not the example Christ gave to us? Ephesians 5:1-2 says, “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.” Christ modeled how loving someone means giving yourself up like an offering, sacrifice, and a fragrant aroma. Scripture also tells us that there is no greater love than to lay down your life (John 15:13). Again we see that truly, deeply loving someone involves giving all of ourselves to that person, being selfless by putting them first, and how this love is meant to cover a multitude of sins.
Selfish Vs. Selfless
When we fully comprehend what it means to love our spouse and to be loved by our spouse it can radically transform our marriage. I believe this is at the heart of what it means to have a Godly and Christian marriage. Some of you may be in a marriage where your spouse has committed a “multitude of sins” against you. Perhaps your spouse has acted selfishly by not putting you and your marriage first. Maybe they continue to sin and act selfishly. You have tried to love them deeply in the hopes that this will not only cover a multitude of sins but that it will also cause your spouse to stop acting selfishly. Does this mean you are tolerating their selfishness? Are you to continue placing yourself in a situation where you are consistently hurt? I believe the answer is no. As Christians, we are to love others, including a selfish spouse. But, this does not mean we are to be reconciled. Christ loves everyone but not everyone is reconciled to Christ. Not everyone is in a relationship with Christ because their sin is what separates them from Him. In this same way, we can love our spouses but not be reconciled or in a relationship with them. It is not until we see a change in heart and action that indicates a move away from selfishness into selflessness can we then be reconciled.
My hope is that you will fully comprehend and accept all that Christ has done for you: the sacrificial love, unconditional grace, and unmerited favor that God chooses to bestow upon you. The reality of all that Christ has done just to be in a relationship with you has the power to transform you from selfishness into selflessness. When we understand how precious His gift is, the last thing we want to do is to jeopardize or cheapen it. We do not want to take advantage of His deep love when we know how meaningful it is for us. In this same way, we are to fight against cheapening the love our spouse has for us. It is a gift. It is a gift that is to be nurtured and protected. We do not have to act selfishly and in our own best interest when we know that there is someone else who is looking out for us. When all is said and done love is the only thing worthwhile! I Corinthians 13:13: “But now faith, hope, love abide these three, but the greatest of these is love.”
We are to love others, especially our spouse, in the same way Christ loves us. However, human love is far from perfect. Of course, we are going to fail. This is normal and to be expected. When we fail we just need to ask for forgiveness, extend grace, and love our spouse deeply in spite of their shortcomings. This unconditional love is what every human heart craves. When we do our best to love our spouse deeply we create a safe and secure relationship. You do not have to look out for yourself when you know and rest in the reality that your spouse is putting your first. Your spouse does not have to look out for their own needs because they can feel confident that you are putting them first. This is loving one another selflessly and deeply.
Is Asking For My Needs To Be Met Being Selfish?
In the Christian Marriage Therapy sessions at our Phoenix and Scottsdale Relationship Centers, we focus on helping spouses to integrate deep and selfless love. As a part of our counseling sessions, we help couples to go down deep and express their core emotions such as sadness, hurt, loneliness, abandonment, rejection, and fear. We help marriages strengthen by helping spouses reach out and express their core emotions and needs to one another. Some may think that this is in opposition to everything I just wrote about being loving deeply and being selfless. You might be asking yourself, “How am I being selfless when I express my emotions and tell my spouse what I need?”
My response is that you are loving deeply and selflessly when you express your vulnerability to your spouse and when you reach out for help carrying your burden (Galatians 6:2). All of us NEED connection and to know we are not alone (Genesis 2:18). All of us need comfort (Isaiah 40:1). You are giving the gift of yourself to your spouse and loving them deeply when you vulnerably reach out expressing your core emotions and allowing them to love you in return! These actions of giving and receiving comfort in your marriage connect two people together spiritually, emotionally, and physically (Genesis 2:23-24). Developing and cultivating this type of intimacy in your marriage guards against selfishness and protects one another from outside temptations that can destroy your bond!
Begin Christian Marriage Counseling With A Therapist in Phoenix or Scottsdale, AZ
If you are ready to create Godly marriage then Christian Marriage Therapy at one of our Crossroads Phoenix and Scottsdale Relationship Centers can help. A Crossroads Marriage Counselor will help you in your marriage to remove the barrier of selfishness, learn how to love deeply, and how to connect emotionally. You can start your therapy journey by following these simple steps:
- Contact Crossroads Counseling
- Meet with a Christian Marriage Therapist
- Start loving your partner more deeply!