Do You Struggle With Personal Boundaries?

Personal boundaries are essential to living a healthy and happy life.  If we are going to have personal boundaries it would be helpful to first identify what they are.  In brief, boundaries are related to where you begin and end as person.  It is knowing who you are and who you are not.  Boundaries make you distinctly you.  They distinguish you from others.  Some of the components of boundaries involve being able to say "no" when you do not want something in your life.  Boundaries are also about being able to be assertive, direct, and confrontational when necessary.  Expressing anger in a healthy manner is yet another aspect of what it means to have healthy boundaries.  In short, boundaries are a way for you to keep yourself safe and protected, healthy and happy, and a way to practice self-care while living a balanced life.

A person with very porous or porous boundaries runs the risk being taken advantage by others.  This leads to challenging relationships, high stress, and feelings of depression.  In worst case scenarios, this can even lead to being used, misused, and, in some cases, abused.  If this is you, you need more boundaries.  Metaphorically speaking, people with very porous or porous boundaries don't have a door or a fence.  All the bad comes in and the good seeps out.

A person with mild to moderate boundaries generally has a good sense of self being able to identify where they begin and end and where others begin and end.  They can more easily say "no" and confront although there are times when they struggle to do so.  This can lead to waffling and sometimes going against one's true self.  If this is you, your boundaries need improvement.  These people have a metaphorical fence and a door; it's just that they are missing posts and broken locks.  They need to reinforce their boundaries to keep the bad out and keep the good in.

A person with rigid boundaries runs the risk of isolation and disconnection.  This can lead to a meaningless and purposeless life.  It can also lead to depression.  You have boundaries, it's just that your boundaries are not flexible enough.  Metaphorically speaking, those with rigid boundaries have a fence and a door that's more secure than the United States Treasury.  You need boundaries with a door and a fence that keeps the bad out and lets the good in.

Finally, there are those with healthy boundaries.  These people tend to have a well defined sense of self.  They are not islands unto themselves because while they have boundaries they are also bonded and connected to others.  They have a metaphorical door and fence that allows them to let all the good life has to offer inside while keeping the bad out.   This is the goal.

Personal Boundaries Assessment Quiz:

Please indicate how often the following statements are true for you: